Diagnosis: PTSD

During our second session, Sara also explained her diagnosis to me. She proceeded to tell me that I had a clear case of PTSD (Post Traumatic Stress Disorder). PTSD is officially defined as, “a term for certain severe psychological consequences of exposure to, or confrontation with, stressful events that the person experiences as highly traumatic. Clinically, such events involve actual or threatened death, serious physical injury, or a threat to physical and/or psychological integrity, to a degree that usual psychological defenses are incapable of coping with the impact (Wikipedia).” To hear the diagnosis both frightened me and relieved me. My relief over the feeling that I hadn’t been babying myself, that it wasn’t something that I should’ve been able to suck up and move on. Now, however, was the realization that I had a disorder I had to work to overcome, a disorder that was causing me, and at times, the people around me, daily pain.

Some of the symptoms of PTSD include: nightmares, flashbacks, emotional detachment or numbing of feelings, insomnia, avoidance of reminders and extreme distress when exposed to the reminders ("triggers"), loss of appetite, irritability, hyper vigilance, memory loss (may appear as difficulty paying attention), excessive startle response, clinical depression, and anxiety. I have experienced each of these symptoms numerous times – some on a daily basis.

I had never realized that there might be a clinical explanation to why, for example, I had reacted with sweats, severe anxiety and distress any time a stranger had any physical contact with me (whether accidental or not). I was now learning how to identify my “triggers,” and any physical contact with someone I did not know and trust was one of them.

As my list of triggers slowly grew (I’m still finding triggers here and there today), I made it a point to share this list with my boyfriend. Loving a trauma survivor cannot possibly be an easy thing. My boyfriend and I had at this point been through many fights that neither of us understood. I was not able to explain to him why I began crying after being startled by a loud bang or why I would have an outburst of anger anytime he wanted to leave during an argument. If you are a trauma survivor – I recommend bringing your partner into every aspect of your treatment. As my boyfriend began to learn about PTSD and about my traumas, he was able to understand at least a bit more about why I react the way I did – and that I was working on getting better.