Struggling to find Justice

Just over six months ago, I sat at my computer pouring my emotions into a Victim’s Impact Statement that was to be delivered to the parole board residing over the parole hearing of Matt Bryant. Matt’s parole hearing happened to be scheduled at the very time that Ericha’s murder became the primary focus of my therapy sessions. Dealing with the stress of Matt’s parole hearing so soon after delving into Ericha’s murder in therapy felt overwhelming - as if salt was being poured onto a freshly re-opened wound. On the other hand, I see now that the writing of an impact statement during this time was perhaps therapeutic as well. I printed my completed statement, gave it a kiss for good luck and placed it into the mailbox. I would soon find that the parole board had denied Matt’s release. I felt so relieved, so validated.

The last few weeks, I began to wonder if the next parole hearing would result in my relief as well. Six months had passed by so quickly, I thought. Matt’s next parole hearing was fast approaching.

This weekend I received a letter in the mail from the Department of Corrections. I realized immediately that the letter would contain the outcome Matt’s parole hearing. The time had come to view the results. I paused briefly and then slowly opened the letter.

“This letter is to inform you that the above inmate will be released from custody on or after May 13th, 2008.”

I read the letter over and over, each time hoping for a different, more forgiving interpretation. I don’t think I was actually able to process what it said. My brain would not let it sink in. I kept thinking that this must mean that he’s being released from that facility and is being transferred to another facility. I furrowed my brow, searching for any evidence that would support this conclusion. They couldn’t possibly just let him out. It’s been ten years. In ten years, his time was over and he was free. Yet, Ericha remains in her cold grave, I thought. Ten years for brutally ending the life of another human being, a wonderful human being.

I slowly began to realize – it’s over. There is nothing more that I can do. He will be released soon and his time in prison will be over. I can no longer think of Ericha and be comforted by the thought that both of her killers are behind bars. The feeling of a loss of control is palpable. He will be released and will once again be able to walk down the streets of his home town. He will spend time with his family. He will have the chance to meet new people, make friends, perhaps even fall in love. I can’t help but feel sickened knowing that Ericha’s killer will be able to experience these simple yet beautiful things while Ericha cannot. Never again will she be able to laugh with her friends, flirt with a man or hold a child.

I find myself struggling to find the justice in this.