Secure of Change

So far, I had been pleasantly surprised by the tranquility of my visit home. While my family members seemed to still possess a general melancholy, they did not display any open hostility towards me.

My boyfriend and I awoke early so I could have enough time to drive up to Ericha’s grave. It had been years since I had visited Ericha’s grave. The morning was sunny and warm, the breeze was fresh and the car radio was humming. As my boyfriend and I made our way down various country roads, I thought about how lovely this morning was, how peaceful it was. The closer we got to the cemetery, the more I wished that I could share a beautiful morning like this with Ericha. I wondered if Ericha was able to still experience beautiful things, where ever she was. Perhaps she has seen things much more beautiful than anything I could imagine. I hoped this was true as I pulled over to park alongside the cemetery.

Although it had been years, the cemetery had been secure of change. The rows of tombstones were laid out just as I had remembered them. My boyfriend and I reached Ericha’s plot. I knelt down to wipe the grass shavings from her stone. There her name was. I gently placed the roses next to her stone. I began to wipe and dust the trinkets at her gravesite with my hands as they had collected dirt and grass shavings as well. I wiped the porcelain angel with my hands. The breeze on the hillside grew stronger. I slowly and methodically groomed her gravesite. Gently and deliberately, I brushed away more small blades of grass. I weeded the earth in front of the stone. The sea shells I had placed at her grave when I was 13 years old were still there. After I had groomed the gravesite to my satisfaction, I sat staring at it. “I miss you,” I said, my hand resting on the stone. I crossed my legs in front of the stone and prayed. In this sad yet peaceful place, I prayed that Ericha would know that I will always remember her. I prayed that she was in a place that was as beautiful as her soul and as tranquil as she deserved it to be.

I looked down at her grave stone. It was so real, so final. I had come to visit Ericha, but realized that she wasn’t there. The wind dropped off and the cemetery grew quiet. She’s okay now, I thought. I kissed my hand and placed it on the stone. “Goodbye.”